


Father's Love, A

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Study, Drama, Episode Tag, Episode: s01e22 What Kind of Day Has It Been, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-11-18
Updated: 2000-11-18
Packaged: 2019-05-15 20:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14797785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Josh's thoughts after he gets shot.  WARNING:  Character Death





	Father's Love, A

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

"A Father’s Love"  
by Gabrielle Aurelius  
Feedback? Yes, please; tell me what you think

 

Pain, like nothing he’d ever felt before, stabbed through him.

He choked out a few deep breaths. His lungs seemed to shriek in protest. Or was that him, screaming aloud? He didn’t know. He was beyond caring. In this red hazed world, pride meant nothing at all. 

He dragged himself towards the grey wall that seemed to loom before him like a solemn judge. He collapsed against it, hand over the bullet wound in his chest. The warmth of his own blood washed over his numb fingers. 

Voices drifted in and out of his mind; some were familiar, others new. He was beginning to forget everything- why he was hurting, where he was, the faces that flashed through his mind. He knew he should remember; he badly wanted to recall, but he couldn’t seem to get past the blinding pain in his chest. His world revolved around that tearing agony. 

"Josh?" a far away-voice yelled. 

Someone was calling him. He didn’t understand how he knew, but he was certain that that was his name. 

"Josh?" the voice came again. 

Josh tried to respond, but his body and voice failed him. 

Someone sharply turned the corner and walked past him. 

His eyes, which were trying so hard to remain open, recognized the man who had gone rushing by. With a sudden surge of strength, he managed to cry out once. There were so many things he wanted to say to that man. 

At Josh’s strangled, pitiful moan, the man jerked to a stop and whirled around. 

Then, he headed for Josh at a dead run. 

When Josh opened his eyes again, the man he knew- the man whose face was so heartbreakingly familiar- was looking down at him. 

"Oh my God," he was breathing in a soft voice. "Josh, I’m going to get a doctor. I’ll be back." 

Josh stared up at him in blind panic. "No," he managed. "Please... stay..." A tear worked its way down his face. He didn’t think he could hold on long enough for him to get the medics, then return; there were things he desperately needed to say. Summoning his failing strength, he put his hand on the man’s arm. "Dad..." Fear crept through his expression no matter how hard he tried to suppress it. "I’m scared...of dying." 

For a long moment, his father stared at him in shock. Open concern and love shone in his eyes; it pierced through the uncertainty. Josh smiled. He’d seen that look many times before. He knew his father would stay with him. 

"So much," Josh panted. "So much to say." It was getting more difficult to breathe. 

"Josh?" his father asked with a hint of confusion in his voice. 

"I’m dying," Josh whispered, the breath coming in and out raggedly. "Inevitable... Please, dad. Listen..." He hoped that his father would understand him; it hurt so much that he was only able to force out enough words to hint at what he meant. Full sentences would cause him too much pain and use up the few precious minutes he had remaining. 

"I’m here, son," his father said, with a catch in his voice. 

  
*******************************************

_-Ten minutes earlier-_

Leo got up from where he had been lying, unmoving, in the street. He was shaking so badly that he was barely able to push himself off the ground. 

A Secret Service Agent was yelling something at him. Leo pushed the man away. "I’m fine," he said in a gruff voice. "Where’s the President?" 

When the man didn’t answer, and instead started checking Leo for wounds, Leo lost his temper. "I’m fine!" he yelled, grabbing the man’s arm forcefully. "Now, where the hell is the President? Was he hit?" 

The Agent finally answered. "He’s secured." 

Leo let out a deep sigh of relief. He let go of the man’s arm and tried to shake off his panic. "What about the rest of the President’s staff?" 

The Agent by now had begun to motion Leo towards a waiting car. "Come with me, Mr. McGarry." 

Leo pulled violently out of his grip. "I am not going anywhere until I find out if everyone on the President’s staff is alright. I don’t give a damn if you have orders from _God_ to get me into a car. I’m not going until I make sure everyone’s okay." He began to stalk off. 

The Agent went after him and put a vice-like hand on his shoulder. "Mr. McGarry, it’s for your own safety." He picked Leo up and began to carry him bodily towards the waiting vehicle. 

That’s when Leo lost it. Completely. 

With an inarticulate yell of frustration, Leo shoved the Agent as hard as he could and, as he dropped to the ground, rolled away. He came up running. 

The man was about to follow when another Agent came up beside him. "Let him go," he said. "We have both shooters down. The area’s secure." Both placed their hands over the devices in their ears as they crackled to life. At the shouted words on the other end, they both visibly paled. 

"GW," the first agent said in a low voice. Both took off sprinting. 

When Leo finally turned around, he was relieved to note that the Agent hadn’t followed him. He was slightly surprised; he had fully expected to have to knock the man out cold before he would leave him alone. "Strange," he muttered to himself. He saw Charlie near Toby and speed walked toward them. 

Charlie looked up at the sudden movement. "Mr. McGarry!" he gasped in relief. 

"Charlie. Toby." Leo examined them closely. They seemed unhurt. "Where’s the others?" 

"I saw Sam and CJ over there," Toby said quietly, motioning to a row of parked cars. There was glass lying on the ground from the shattered windows. 

"I’m going to go find out if Zoe’s okay," Charlie said hurriedly, and at Leo’s nod, he quickly left the two older men. 

"Are you okay?" Leo asked Toby when they were alone. 

After a long moment of silence, Toby shakily nodded. "You?" 

"Yeah. I’m going to see about Sam and CJ. You see Josh anywhere?" 

"No." A worried expression crossed Toby’s face. "I’ll start looking." 

Leo nodded and both men left in opposite directions. 

Leo found CJ near the row of cars. 

"I’m fine, really," CJ was insisting to a medic as the man examined her head. 

Leo put a hand on her shoulder. "What happened?" 

"I was pushed to the ground...by someone," CJ babbled, still visibly shaken. "And I hit my head on the ground, I think. I mean..." She stopped. 

"You gonna be okay?" Leo asked with concern. 

She nodded carefully. "I just... are you okay?" 

"Yeah." Leo tried to smile reassuringly. He hated to see CJ frightened; she was normally such a strong and confident woman that it disturbed him to see her confused and uncertain. "I’m going to look for Sam." 

"Leo?" the young Deputy of Communications ran towards him. 

Leo turned. "Sam- good, I was just about to go look for you. Are you okay?" 

Sam seemed hyped; Leo could almost see the adrenaline rushing through his body. "Yes, I’m fine. CJ- how’s your head? Leo- you okay?" 

"Calm down, Sam," Leo said gently. "It’s going to be alright." He could see the barely suppressed expression of terror in Sam’s blue eyes. 

"Yeah," the younger man said, a little too quickly for Leo’s liking. "Are you guys okay?" 

"We’re fine," Leo said. He shot a veiled look at CJ that said ‘take care of him,’ and hoped she got the message. Then, just as surreptitiously, he threw a look at Sam that said ‘watch over her,’ hoping that he, too, would get the message. 

Both Sam and CJ seemed to visibly collect themselves. 

Leo hid a smile. He knew they might both get better holds over their panic if they had someone to look out for. At the same time, they turned concerned expressions towards each other. 

Knowing they would be well taken care of, Leo said, "I’m going to look for Josh." He left the two of them talking quietly to each other. 

After a good three minutes of rushing around from place to place with no sign of Josh, Leo began to worry. He should have found his Deputy Chief of Staff by now. He tried in vain to push away the feeling of foreboding that flashed through his mind. 

"Josh?" he yelled. He hoped that wherever Josh was, he’d hear and respond. Half of him expected the younger man to jump out from behind a bush or a car and yell "Hah! Got you going there Leo, didn’t I?" 

"Josh?" Leo tried again, this time much louder. He ran up the staircase in front of him and turned the corner quickly. He was panting heavily from the exertion, but he didn’t notice. A quiet moan made him stop in his tracks and whip around. 

What he saw made him leap forward at a dead run. 

Leo dropped to his knees beside Josh. He stared in horror at the blood covering the younger man’s shirt. His thoughts were whirling faster than he could process. _This can’t be happening,_ he thought in panic. "Oh my God," he whispered. He wasn’t sure if he said it aloud, but the words echoed in his mind dizzyingly. "Josh, I’m going to get a doctor. I’ll be back." He started to climb to his feet. 

The look Josh focused on him made him almost drop back down to the ground. Josh was staring at him with such fear and anxiety that Leo felt tears beginning to form at the corner of his eyes. Never, in all the time he had known Josh, had he seen such a look of open panic and dependence on his face. 

"No," the younger man was struggling to say. "Please... stay..." A tear fell from Josh’s left eye and slid down his cheek. 

The breath caught in Leo’s throat and he felt like loosening his shirt collar. The sudden grief in Leo’s heart threatened to suffocate him. He knew that look on Josh’s face. It was the same one he had had to face countless times before during the war as his friends died in his arms. It was the look of a dying man. 

Josh was struggling to speak again. He put a limp hand on Leo’s arm. "Dad..." he said. "I’m scared...of dying." 

Leo flinched in surprise. Josh had called him ‘dad.’ He inhaled sharply. Was Josh hallucinating? He stared at Josh, unable to speak. _I can’t tell him,_ Leo thought silently. _I can’t tell him his father’s dead- that he’s been dead for years._ Leo squared his shoulders. He knew what he had to do. If Josh was going to die, he would at least die feeling he had his family near him. He wasn’t going to let death take that comfort away, too. 

Leo took a deep, shuddering breath. This was going to be one of the hardest things he ever did in his life. He tried to remember his old friend, Josh’s father, and how he would have acted, what he would have said to his son. He forced down the pain the memories brought of his own sweet son, and the grief he was feeling over losing Josh. In a way, Josh reminded him so much of the son he'd lost; and to comfort his dying friend, he would have to go back down that road of loss. The pain was raw and deep, flaring up like an old wound in his heart. Its ache had never gone away. 

"So much," Josh was saying in ragged breaths. "So much to say." 

"Josh?" Leo said again, ascertaining for the last time if Josh truly thought he was his father. 

"I’m dying," Josh whispered. Leo could hear the breath rattle in his throat. "Inevitable... Please, dad. Listen..." 

With tears falling down his face, Leo nodded. "I’m here, son." 

  
*******************************************

Josh smiled, even as the heavy metallic taste of blood coated his mouth. He forced himself to focus on his father; he ignored the agony shooting through his body, and the icy feeling rushing through his veins. Tears fell from his eyes unnoticed. All that mattered was his father. "I love you, dad," he said. "I wanted...you to know...that. Before I go." 

"Joshua," his father said quietly, gathering Josh up in his arms like he had done when he was a boy. "I have never been more proud of you. I loved how you never gave up in that campaign; how you hung in there and gave it everything you had. Seeing Bartlet win the presidency was the proudest moment of my life- because I knew that my son had had a hand in it. Your mother and I will always love you, Joshua. And we have always been proud to have you as a son." 

Josh wept silently at his father’s outpouring of emotion. He saw the tears trailing down his father’s face and heard his choked sobs; his dad didn’t show his feelings very well, or very frequently. Tonight, though...tonight he had broken down all the walls. 

"Love...you," Josh gasped. The world began to spiral into darkness. His eyes fluttered open and closed. He struggled to hold on to life for one last, bittersweet moment. He felt his father shaking as he hugged him, softly whispering his name...the last thing he felt before death’s numbing hand descended over him was his father gently kissing his forehead.

END

  

  


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